


Dan and Phil: A Series of Coming Out

by deathclassic



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Coming Out, M/M, idk this is word vomit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-14
Updated: 2017-09-14
Packaged: 2018-12-29 19:31:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12091869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deathclassic/pseuds/deathclassic
Summary: They have the coming out conversation over Skype the day after Dan leaves Manchester





	Dan and Phil: A Series of Coming Out

They have the coming out conversation over Skype the day after Dan leaves Manchester. 

It's not a serious talk, Dan just casually mentions that he was thinking of coming out to his parents the next day. Phil has been out to his parents for years now but he understands that Dan is freaking out on the inside and is trying to remain calm. The conversation of Dan coming out to his family turns into a conversation about them, neither of their parents know that they're more than friends so they should tell them soon. They don't say it out loud but they're both thinking it, it's a new relationship that's over the internet and long distance, it probably won't last long so there's no point in confirming their relationship despite the assumptions. They're not hiding it but they don't really say anything about it at the same time. 

Dan calls him the next evening and he's smiling into a pillow that he's hugging to his chest. He tells Phil that he came out to his parents as bisexual, he's not a fan of labels but he figured having a label would be easier to explain instead of some ambiguous explanation. They were surprised but accepting which was enough for Dan, he knew they didn't really understand but it was enough, they knew and that's all that really mattered. 

They tell their parents that they're in a relationship when Dan goes to Phil's for Christmas. They really had no other option but when Phil's mum walked into the kitchen to find Dan clinging onto Phil, head buried between his shoulder blades as Phil carefully makes two hot chocolates. Dan couldn't even look at her for the rest of his time at Phil's without feeling embarrassed but Phil watched as his mum hugged him goodbye and the way his face lit up as he awkwardly hugged her back. Dan tells his parents when he gets home, they're happy for him and it's probably the nicest feeling he's felt in a long time. 

 

Dan moves to Manchester to attend University. 

He says yes to being in a relationship when his dorm mates ask if anyone has someone in their lives but he doesn't say anything more. They don't ask any other questions, assume it's with a girl but don't say anything when there's a black haired boy knocking on their door asking for Dan. They don't ask if they're together but they assume when Dan rushes over and hugs him tightly.

It's date night, a thing they're going to try out even if 'date night' turns into ordering the cheapest fast food they can find and watching a poorly made horror movie or going to the skybar. He spends more time at Phil's apartment then he does in his dorm rooms, most of his clothes are there because he 'forgets' to take them out of the washing machine, his textbooks are there and it's just much nicer in general than his disgusting dorm. Phil helps him study sometimes when he has an important quiz coming up, tells him for every question he gets right that he'll take an item of clothing off and for every wrong answer he'll put one back on. 

It works until neither can concentrate and they take it to the bedroom, in their post sex minds, both sweaty and slightly panting under Phil's bed sheets they have the conversation again. They've been together for nearly a year now, it's a long time if you think about it but maybe not long enough. They have faith that they'll last, neither have felt like this before but it's too early to tell, they'll keep it to themselves for now. No one really has to know anyway. 

 

Dan drops out of University and everything is happening so quickly that neither feel like they can keep up. 

They send in a video to BBC for a radio show and are offered a trial presentation on BBC Radio 1, they go to London and the show is a success and three weeks later they have an official show on the radio every week and they're moving to London. It's scary and they're both overwhelmed but they push through it. 

They have separate bedrooms because even though they sleep in the same bed, they both need their own space. They get a sudden influx of subscribers and they both go past one million, it's daunting having that large of an audience and when a private and personal video gets shown to the world, they're scared of what it means for them as YouTubers and radio presenters. It could jeopardize their careers so they sit down together and force themselves to go backwards instead of forwards. 

They don't break up, they just distance themselves online. It's fine though because eventually the video would be forgotten and people can move on. The two bedrooms turn into proof for people who don't believe they're together while others speculate their relationship. Dan acts out online because his anxiety gets the better of him and Phil doesn't say anything at all, they handle it in different ways and their subscribers analyse everything they do. It's like they don't have any privacy but at the same time, people don't know they watch movies on the TV in Phil's room most nights or how when Dan is more anxious than normal they'll sleep in Dan's room instead. They share nearly their entire lives to the internet so they keep the one thing that not many people know about just between them. 

 

Their careers skyrocket, they interview bands they've looked up to as teenagers and their subscribers and follower numbers across social media keep increasing by the day. 

They're getting used to everything now but they've changed their minds on not coming out for privacy reasons and just don't want to come out in general, together or making a coming out video by themselves. They let their audience make crazy theories that come so close to the truth.

Sometimes it's all too much and Dan would come into their lounge and just crawls onto Phil's lap; or try too at least, he's grown a lot in the last few years. He'd have tears in his eyes as Phil rubs his back in a comforting manner as Dan weeps about something he said in a liveshow that's going to sweep across social networks and how he doesn't mean it, he really doesn't and Phil says he understands and that it's okay. Phil gets those messages too but he ignores them, something he's able to do and tries to tell Dan too but Dan doesn't listen or he feels the need to reply and set the record straight. He's not lying when he says he's not gay but he never says he's straight either. 

Phil goes to Florida, tries to convince Dan to come with him because he's part of the family and 'Martyn gets to bring his girlfriend, I just want to spend time with my boyfriend'. They spend every day together and Dan shakes his head and says 'you know we can't' and it makes Phil think that it's their own fault that things are the way they are. No one forced them to stay in the closet except themselves. They could change it. 

 

They make a video, a coming out video, telling them everything from the beginning to the present and what they hope for the future. 

They've been together for four years now, it's a long time, both admitting they didn't think it would last but with everything they've accomplished together, they can't imagine life without the other. They filmed the video in Phil's bedroom, the main bedroom, the one where Dan sleeps on the right side of the bed and Phil sleeps on the left under the blue and green bed sheets everyone has become so fond of. Dan thinks they're too bright but doesn't make a move to change them anytime soon, people would be suspicious he thinks. 

They take their time with filming it, they don't kiss in it but they do say 'i love you' at the end and somehow that feels more scandalous than kissing. They talk about why they decided to keep their relationship private till now, what coming out to parents feels like and discovering yourself during your teens. Phil mentions that he's definitely more attracted to boys than he is to girls and Dan adds on that he's generally more attracted to girls but the difference in genders is slight. They laugh at some of their date fails including the one where they both left their wallets at home so neither could actually pay for the meal. 

They edit it carefully, piecing together a decent video that doesn't take too long but gives people enough content. They get ready to put it on YouTube and then they stop. Phil asks if they're really going to do this, give the world their most private thing about them and let everyone see it. Dan thinks and then he exits out of YouTube. 

Another time maybe he says instead and Phil nods and shuts down the computer. Another time. 

 

They go to more YouTube conventions and don't really make an effort to hide.

If people ask if they're a 'you know, thing?' they nod and stand a little closer together. They ask people to be careful when vlogging because they don't want everyone to know, yet. The yet is heavy in the air but they don't dwell on it. They sneak around parties, dodging cameras like lasers and huddling in dark corners. They feel like actors in this world but once they're out of the limelight, they can be themselves. 

Themselves being taking handfuls of food that are displayed on the many tables and quickly making their way to their hotel room with the king bed. They're not used to sleeping with so much space, Phil's double bed is made for two people but they're both just big people and take up a lot of room so they're always touching one way or another, in this bed they actually have to put in effort to reach out for the other person. They always find themselves draped over each other in the middle of the bed by the time morning comes around anyway. 

Some of their subscribers ask if they're together and those questions go ignored, Dan's stopped lashing out at people on Twitter and the stigma around them dies down a little bit. People stop asking, stop assuming and just let things happen. 

 

They talk about coming out again when they're supposed to be sleeping but Phil made sugary cocktails to celebrate something dumb and not worth celebrating but Dan's not one to turn down a drink especially one made by Phil. 

They're on their cheap couch in their expensive apartment drinking cocktails out of glasses Phil got for his birthday. They're talking about the future, how they want to do something big but the only think they can think of is coming out. They don't want to come out but they feel the need to. They see what people write about them and if only they knew how close they were to being accurate. 

Phil adjusts his position of having his legs folded underneath him and leaning against Dan and sighs as he realises his glass is empty and goes to pour himself some more. He raises an eyebrow to Dan, asking silently if he wanted a top up and Dan shakes his head no so he's left to think by himself which is not always a good thing. He looks around the lounge, at their new TV they recently bought, at the golden pig near the fireplace with Calcifer sitting on the fake wood, at the photo frames on their shelf with all their video games, DVDs and books. 

When Phil comes back and asks Dan why he's looking at him like that Dan can't say much more than 'let's write a book'

 

The book turns into a tour and stage performance and they're selling out venues all over the world.

They have their own bus, their own tour bus that Kanye West and Ed Sheeran have supposedly used. They share the room at the back of the bus, the only space for a bed actually made for tall people. Dan struggled for a few minutes for their documentary on getting out of the cramped space but he and Phil know that the people would know that there was no way Phil would actually make Dan sleep there. 

They hug before every show in their dressing room, a kiss on the lips for good luck before heading backstage when they're told too. They listen to the screams of their fans as the microwave ticks down and then they're lost, letting the muscle memory take over until they're back on the bus and lying down in their bed. 

The American tour is over before they know it and now they're back in London. They talk about 'it' again, they talk about all the pros and cons because meeting fans have given them new ideas and reasons on why they should and shouldn't. An awful lot of their fans are part of the community and they tell them how much their videos have helped them. Sometimes they have to choke back a little tear threatening to escape and they didn't realise how eyeopening meeting fans could be. They meet fans all the time but now they're meeting thousands at a time. 

A pro of coming out would be becoming even more of a role model to these people who are or were struggling with their identity but a con would be becoming icons, the face of this community they don't necessarily want to lead. They're not like Tyler Oakley, or anyone who makes LGBT+ content, they're Dan and Phil, two people who make videos about their daily lives. They touch on subjects but it's always as a little moral at the end of the video. They film another video.

It sits on Dan's computer, untouched. 

 

Perhaps they've been overthinking this entire coming out thing. 

They don't have to come out, no one is forcing them but they find they like being able to leave little bits of flirting that would normally be edited out in videos, Dan enjoys casually mentioning that he finds this male celebrity attractive and Phil's even getting adventurous with his likes on Twitter. Dan goes to the North for Phil's birthday and on their family holiday to Florida after Playlist Live. The internet is crashing and burning around them but in a good way. 

They move to another apartment, they share a bedroom that Dan decorated and people make long threads and posts about the theory of them sharing. They take screenshots and talk about how they're moving again, to a forever home so they can buy a dog. They create reasons for why they moved to another apartment before a house, speculate when they're going to get married and if they're engaged yet. And they just let it happen. 

It's relieving to not really care but also have a sense of privacy. Eventually people will just know, they don't need a coming out video for people to know. Moving into a house together is more than enough for people to stop assuming and start accepting. They might not ever come out but people would understand. 

 

The wedding is in October but it's a secret. You have to have some things kept private.

**Author's Note:**

> please leave some feedback! it would be much appreciated


End file.
